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In our modern culture, we often treat our physical health with preventative care, we go to the gym, we visit the dentist for cleanings, and we take our cars for regular service. Yet, when it comes to the most significant emotional investment of our lives – our romantic relationships – we often wait until the engine is smoking and the wheels have fallen off before seeking help.
This isn’t a failure or a lack of effort – it’s often simply because many of us were never taught how to care for relationships proactively. We learn to respond to crises, not to maintain connection, communication, and emotional safety along the way. Couples therapy is often delayed because it’s misunderstood as a last resort, rather than a proactive space for strengthening communication, understanding, and connection. For many couples, the reluctance comes from fear – fear of blame, fear of making things worse, or fear of uncovering conversations they don’t yet feel ready to have.
The short answer is yes, it can be effective. That said, the process is not about quick fixes or instant change. It is a thoughtful, effort-based journey that works best when expectations are clear. A helpful starting point is to gently clarify what the process is designed to support and what outcomes it realistically aims to achieve.
Before we can talk about success, we need a shared understanding of the goal. Many couples understandably arrive hoping for relief or resolution, and part of the early work is aligning those hopes with how psychological support actually helps. When we take time to understand what the process is, and what it is not, we are better placed to recognize progress and understand how change unfolds.
Couples therapy is a form of counseling designed for two romantic partners, whether they are married, engaged, or dating. We use the broad term “Couples” to encompass the full spectrum of relationship statuses.
Contrary to popular belief, the primary aim of couples therapy is neither to force the couple to stay together nor to convince them to separate. This is a crucial distinction. Many clients enter the room fearing that the therapist has a hidden agenda to save the marriage at all costs, or conversely, to encourage a breakup.
The decision to stay in or leave the relationship does not – and should not – belong to the therapist. Why? Because the therapist does not live with the couple. There are countless complex factors involved in a relationship’s dynamic, and many of these are invisible or never even discussed during a session. Therefore, it is impossible for a third party to truly know what is best for the couple’s future. That decision rests entirely with the partners.
Instead, the true goal of therapy is to help the couple develop healthy communication skills. This involves learning to express needs effectively and understanding one another correctly. Once this foundation of healthy communication is established, the couple is then empowered to make their own informed decision about whether to stay or leave. The major advantage here is that even if a couple communicates healthily and still decides to separate, the process usually proceeds amicably rather than destructively.
This is a subjective measure, but there are clear indicators. You should consider therapy if you are in a romantic relationship where conflict has become the norm. If you find yourselves arguing frequently or misunderstanding one another constantly, to the point where quiet, peaceful moments are rare, it is time to seek help.
Conversely, you should also seek therapy if there are no open conflicts, but you feel a sense of disconnection. This is the “silent killer” of relationships. If there is miscommunication and very little meaningful, cherished interaction, this silence can be just as damaging as an argument.
Many couples don’t seek therapy because they’re “broken,” but because conversations tend to circle back or quickly escalate into conflicts. There is a growing disconnect between the partners. They feel they love each other, but struggle to get along; or they sense there are changes to be made but are unsure about what exactly to change. Couples therapy can help clarify these hazy thoughts and feelings
So to summarize, some common reasons couples come to therapy include:
• Communication difficulties or feeling misunderstood
• Repeated conflict or unresolved arguments
• Emotional distance or loss of connection
• Trust issues, including breaches of trust or uncertainty about the relationship
• Differences in needs, values, or expectations
• Navigating major life changes such as parenthood, illness, relocation, or work stress
• Recovering from infidelity or rebuilding safety after hurt
• Considering separation and wanting support to decide next steps
There is no right or wrong time for a couple to seek therapy. However, the usual advice is to do so as soon as either partner notices a pattern of disconnection, numerous conflicts, or similar issues.
First, try to discuss the problem with each other, if it feels safe to do so. If the discussion escalates into a conflict itself, then it might be time to begin couple therapy. This inability to discuss the problem is the problem.
You don’t have to wait for a major problem to escalate before seeking help. Sometimes, therapy can act as a preventative measure, helping to prevent smaller issues from accumulating and developing into a larger problem. Think of it as servicing your car; you change the oil to prevent the engine from seizing, not just after the engine has failed.
This discrepancy is very common. A rule of thumb: if there is an issue, discuss it, regardless of the severity. You can discuss it with each other, or bring it to the session.
If one partner sees the issue as severe and the other as mild, that, by itself, is a misalignment, so the couple’s session will help balance the difference in perception. Often, the partner who thinks the problem is “small” is simply unaware of the depth of pain the “unhappy” partner is feeling. Therapy bridges that gap.
Technically yes. While one of you can initiate the request to seek couples therapy, both of you should be willing to engage and commit to the therapy.
“It takes two to tango”. As this saying suggests, a relationship requires both parties to put in effort for it to succeed. It doesn’t matter who starts what, but it is important that if one initiates, the other responds, and so forth. You cannot carry a relationship on one back alone.
The “gold standard” for couples therapy is the conjoint session, meaning both partners are present in the room with the therapist at the same time.
There are exceptions; a therapist might meet with each partner individually for just one or two sessions. This is usually done to gather individual background information or to screen for topics that may be unsafe or difficult to discuss when the other partner is present. However, aside from those rare initial instances, the vast majority of the work should be done conjointly.
This requirement ties back to the primary aim of the therapy: enhancing communication. It is incredibly difficult to establish or improve a communication style when the person you need to communicate with is not in the room. You cannot learn to dance with a partner who isn’t on the dance floor.
Furthermore, a couples therapist must remain neutral. Meeting with partners individually carries a high risk of “triangulation,” where the therapist may inadvertently – or seemingly – take a side. Triangulation is unhelpful to the therapeutic alliance. If one partner feels the therapist has a “special” understanding with the other, trust erodes instantly.
Individual sessions also create the “He Said, She Said” problem. If you are alone, the therapist only hears your specific version of a fight. Because they cannot see the dynamic playing out in real-time, they cannot guide the way you speak to one another or identify the non-verbal cues that trigger conflict. A huge portion of communication is non-verbal – think eye rolls, turning away, heavy sighs – and these are missed in individual reporting.
Finally, individual meetings create significant issues regarding confidentiality. This is a major ethical hurdle. Consider this scenario – you meet privately with the therapist and reveal that you are planning to leave your spouse but don’t want this shared just yet; and your therapist then has a session with your spouse 30 minutes later. A conflict is created. The result? A fundamentally inauthentic therapeutic relationship as the therapist is forced to act “normal” whilst holding on to this secret.
Generally, a couples therapist should not keep secrets from a partner. If one partner discloses a secret that affects the relationship, the therapist will usually work with them on how to disclose it to the other partner, but they cannot ethically hold that secret indefinitely while claiming to work neutrally for the relationship.
As a general rule, the couple’s therapist should not keep a secret from the couple, because that will cause or raise the risk of developing “triangulation”. A “triangulation” is when the therapist aligns with one person in the couple against the other.
If one partner discloses something that may affect the relationship, the therapist should inform the partner that they will have to disclose it to their partner. The therapist can work with the partner on how to disclose that information, but it shouldn’t remain a secret that only one partner and the therapist knows about, and the other partner is kept in the dark. The goal is transparency; secrets are walls, and therapy is about building bridges.
As in any therapy, it is expected for couples to share detail about their lives, individual thoughts, and emotions. However, you won’t be expected to share everything right away if you do not feel comfortable with the therapist yet. Trust takes time to build. However, as you both build rapport with the therapist, you can start to share more details. The more details, the better understanding the therapist will have.
Like in all therapies, all information discussed in the session is strictly confidential unless there is imminent risk of harm to self or to others.
There is a specific legal context to consider as well. The other exception is that if there is a court order, the therapist would have to abide by the UAE law. However, this does not mean the therapist hands over your entire file. Not all information is shared with the court. Only the necessary information for the case the court is examining is shared. Any other irrelevant details will remain confidential.
The first session of any therapeutic process is typically an “intake” session. The goal here is information gathering: the therapist needs to understand why the couple is seeking help now, what specific issues they are facing, and when these issues began to surface.
While there are many different modalities in couples therapy -such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or the Gottman Method – the flow of the first session depends largely on the therapist’s specific approach. However, in most modalities, the therapist uses this time not only to collect background history but also to observe the live dynamic between the partners as they answer questions. They are watching how you look at each other, how you interrupt, and how you listen.
The couple’s therapist is usually well-trained in containing the conflict in the room. Their method, or the way they contain the conflict, will depend mainly on their approach. They create a “container” where difficult emotions can be expressed without becoming destructive, often by slowing down the conversation or intervening when tone or volume escalates.
Usually, psychologists and therapists are trained in providing a safe, non-judgmental, therapeutic space for their clients. A safe and non-judgmental space should be respectful to the client’s culture, religion, identity, origin, etc. These factors are often deeply woven into how we view relationships, and a good therapist will honor that context rather than ignore it.
But a therapist is not a referee. We cannot decide who is right or wrong because, in almost every conflict, both partners are right and wrong simultaneously. If you look at a conflict from different angles, you will see moments where one partner was correct, and other moments where the other was correct.
Ironically, even if a therapist could prove one partner was wrong, what would that achieve?. Validating one partner while shaming the other rarely leads to intimacy or repair. The therapist has no power to impose a ruling or punishment. Again, the goal is understanding, not a verdict.
Short answer, no, not necessarily. As mentioned before, couples therapy is intended to improve the couple’s poor communication and frequent misunderstandings. If a couple miscommunicate, it doesn’t necessarily mean they failed as a couple.
A lot of times we face hurdles in our lives, struggle to get by sometimes, but it does not mean that we failed in life. Similarly, a relationship can face some difficulties, but it does not automatically equate that the relationship is a failure. Asking for help is a sign of strength and commitment, not weakness.
Per studies, the average number of sessions needed in couples therapy is between 10 and 14 weekly sessions.
However, there are many factors that need to be considered because they can affect the length of the therapy significantly:
Generally, you should notice that there are some changes in the way you communicate with each other.
• For example, it used to be that every conversation turned into a fight; now there are still fights, but fewer.
• Or, we used to fight very intensely; now the fights are less intense.
Note that the communication can change, but that does not necessarily mean that your feelings would change as well. For instance, you may fight less, but not necessarily feel more in love with each other. This is usually when couples consider separation, because in this instance, the communication is clear, but the feeling “that we are not a fit” is still there.
In my professional opinion, yes, for two distinct reasons.
First, as mentioned earlier, therapy develops healthy communication. Even if the decision is to separate, doing so with these skills ensures the separation proceeds amicably, which is better for everyone involved.
Second, healthy communication is an “implicit skill,” much like reading or writing. Once you acquire it, you carry it with you. By learning how to communicate and understand a partner now, you avoid repeating the same conflicts caused by miscommunication in your future relationships. It is better to learn these lessons with your current partner before parting ways, ensuring you are better equipped for the future.
Couples therapy helps clarify hazy thoughts and feelings. The therapist’s role isn’t to make decisions for the couple. Instead, it involves improving communication so they can then make decisions with greater clarity and understanding. Whether that decision is to recommit to the relationship or to part ways respectfully, the skills learned in the process act as a bridge to a healthier future for both individuals.
These articles provide valuable insights into mental health practices and strategies in the UAE.
These assessments play a crucial role in evaluating and supporting your mental well-being.
Written by: Mina Shafik
